An esthetician’s grief when a client passes

So, this is not what I expected my first blog post to be about when I decided to finally start my skincare blog. Although, it is a topic and an article I knew I would write one day. I found out today that one of my clients passed away…during the middle of this pandemic, but not related to COVID-19. So here I am, sitting at home during quarantine writing this post. I’ve been an esthetician for 13 years and I’ve always worked in the space where my daily clients are regulars that come in most often on a monthly basis. I have so many clients I’ve been fortunate to have for almost as long as I’ve been an esthetician. They have always been supportive of me in many ways- through my treatment for breast cancer and eventually opening up my own spa, just to name a couple. 

I know that it’s possible, logical, even natural to experience the death of a client given the duration of my career. Man though, it’s such a different grieving process.

Today I found out that I lost my dear client, Dee*. She was in her late 80’s and such a social, spunky woman. She kept her appointments with me booked out for at least six months and we always had the greatest talks when she came in. Dee taught me so much over the years. I honestly can’t even tell you how long she had been a client. I don’t remember when she started seeing me- but most certainly before I opened my spa. She’s one of my OG’s- the one’s that without their support, there would be no Mint and Thyme. I had emailed her just a week ago to check on her amongst this crazy time to make sure she was well. She told me she was, albeit ‘tired of her house’ and had been ‘grounded’ by her sons at the beginning of March to keep her safe and healthy. I was so glad to know that. We collectively hoped that Mint and Thyme would be back open in May and I would be able to see her at her next scheduled appointment.

The thing that makes grieving the death of a client so hard? It’s that typically we don’t find this information out until weeks or months have passed. By then you’ve missed their memorial service and you’re almost left with the ghost of a client past. What I mean by that is that your brain can sometimes trick you into thinking- “Oh, so-and-so hasn’t been in to see me in a while…they must be busy.” Which, eventually leads to the realization again that your client is gone.

I’m so thankful that Dee’s friend, also a client of mine reached out to give me the news during all of this. I know that service providers don’t necessarily come to mind when families and friends are dealing with the loss of a loved one, understandably so. Jane, my client and Dee’s friend told me she just knew I needed to know and that we had a relationship that went beyond the typical service provider/client norm. I’m so grateful to know and for the opportunity to grieve the loss of her now, in real time. I am unbelievably sad for ALL of us as a collective global community to be experiencing the loss of loved ones, Covid-19 related or not during this pandemic. It’s a horribly sad and isolating time and we’re denied the opportunity to gather, celebrate and say goodbye to those we loved. I know too many people in my life right now dealing with this. Jane told me that they would plan something in a few months, hopefully…when we can gather and celebrate Dee and that she would keep me updated.

Dee is the third client I’ve lost in the past four years.  Before Dee was Laura, a fellow breast cancer survivor who passed from metastatic breast cancer in 2018. I travelled to her home during her final months to give her facials once she entered hospice care. And before Laura was Susan, who I had similarly been exchanging emails with just prior to her death. It’s a weird, silent heartbreak in a way. Every one of these ladies were special to me and I miss them all so much. They will randomly pop into my head and I’ll realize all over again that I won’t be seeing them ever again. 

After learning of each one of their passing, I’ve thought about writing this article. In truth I thought I would research this more- ask some of my therapist friends for professional insight…but I’m not in the right space to do that. So, I guess you can just count this as a very public journal entry and a really weird introduction to my skincare blog. I’d welcome anyone’s thoughts, shared experiences and best practices regarding grief in a ‘working, yet intimate’ relationship.

I promise in my next post to bring you skincare tips, advice, general education and less sadness.

*All names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.